Why I Stayed… And Maybe You Should Too

In an era of transfer portals, a former Big South Conference Player of the Year makes the case for staying.

I still have a voice note on my phone from when I was a junior in high school. My dad and I were having a little back and forth (some may call it an argument) about my life after high school. I remember saying into the recording, “I will get a Division 1 scholarship for basketball.”

I did just that. I played basketball for four years at UNC Asheville. It was a dream come true, something I worked for, a goal I set for myself and obtained.

But the beginning of my college journey wasn’t like one of those dreams you wake up from and think, “Oh my gosh, I wish that never ended.” Honestly, it was a nightmare, and I wanted to wake up immediately. At least that’s how it felt in the moment.

Backtrack a little. I was a really good high school player. I averaged 20+ points a game, scored over 1,000 points, won awards, and went into college voted preseason Freshman of the Year. Then college rocked my world. I rode the bench for two years as a freshman and sophomore. As a competitor, and someone who has always been my own biggest critic, that tore me to pieces mentally. Physically I was fine.

I could have transferred. A lot of people in my position do. But I stuck it out, kept showing up to every practice like I was starting that night, and by junior year the coaches finally saw what I’d been working toward the whole time. (Keep reading to see how I finished.)

Here’s the point of all this: if I had the chance to go back and change any of it, the shower cries, the nights of overthinking, the days of not feeling like enough, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Crazy thing to say in the era of the transfer portal, huh? But I mean it. The relationships I built with my coaches, the life lessons, the friendships that are still going strong, cliché I know, but it was all worth it.

I’m sure everyone has a story like this, the experience that really changed them. My goal here is to reach one person who’s struggling to stay at their current school or their current team, high school or college. Because staying was so worth it. I’m a better person because of it, in more ways than I can count. Here are my top 3 reasons why. I’ve got plenty more, but 3 will do the job.

1. I stopped playing the comparison game

I’ve always been a competitor, and I wanted to be better than everyone else. But my journey taught me that instead of trying to beat everyone else, I needed to be the best version of me. Constantly comparing myself to those around me didn’t serve me. It only made things worse. Stop comparing yourself to the player you think you deserve more playing time than. Just work to improve yourself.

Outside of basketball, how is this helpful? Simple. I want to be the best at my job, at the task I’m assigned. That helps your company, builds up the people around you, and makes for a successful environment. Isn’t that a place you want to be?

2. I gained the ability to relate and motivate

My first job out of college was as a basketball coach. I was an assistant for one year, then became a head coach. I wasn’t perfect, and maybe I wasn’t even good in the eyes of a lot of people around me. But I could relate to every kid on my roster, the stars and the ones riding the bench, because I had been both. If I had transferred the second things got hard, I would have coached from theory. Instead, I coached from experience, and that’s the difference between telling a kid to push through and actually knowing what it costs them.

3. Relationships filled my heart, gave me purpose, and opened doors

I built strong relationships with my peers and coaches, the kind you only get from going through something hard together, not the kind you get from a fresh start every time things get uncomfortable. Anytime I need help with something at work, I can reach out. When I need advice, I can reach out. Those relationships didn’t happen because I showed up. They happened because I stayed through the parts that made me want to leave.

And if you’re wondering how my story ended, and how it’s still going: as a junior, we won the Big South Conference regular season and tournament championships, and I was named Big South Player of the Year and Tournament MVP. As a senior, I helped lead my team on a historic run. Entering the conference tournament as a 7 seed, we won 4 games in 4 days, the only school in the conference to accomplish that, securing our second consecutive trip to the NCAA Tournament. Now I work at Ballogy, and life keeps getting better.

None of that happens if I leave after sophomore year.

So if you’re the one riding the bench right now, wondering if you should go, I get it. But before you do, ask yourself if you’ve actually given it everything. Because staying where you are might just be the right move.